Gratitude

On this particularly tough day I'm thankful for all of the support and love that my friends and family have shown over this past year.

My grandma, Lou Lou, who after finding out about her daughter's passing told me, "I'll give you all of your mother's love." She is so strong and I am grateful to have her and still have that piece of my mom. We'll celebrate her 89th birthday tomorrow with her favorite, caramel cake, and my mom's recipe for lemonade cake.

My brother, who left his life in Miami and moved home. This has been a trying year for him but he has shown a love and maturity that is beyond measure.

My dad, the best diddy ever. Still taking care of us, still taking care of their rose garden.

My mom's cousin. We both lost our best friend and have found support in each other. Texts, wine, calls, and confidants.

My uncle, who helped us make difficult decisions and continues to be there for us and love us no matter what.

My friends, both new and old, giving me such support. Your phone calls, texts, hugs, notes, and gifts mean so much to me. I know it's hard to know what to say during something like this, but just knowing you are there for me is the best support you could offer.

My mom's friends. I appreciate you reaching out to us, offering your kind words and stories about my mom. I know she was so thankful to have you as her sounding board, counselor, and support system.

And last but not least, my husband. My mom loved you very much and was so happy that I found someone like you to be my life partner. I appreciate your love, patience, and hugs, even on my toughest days. Thank you for being my rock. I love you.

One more night...

...and this nightmare year will be over. There will no longer be "firsts". My first birthday without her, first Thanksgiving, first Mother's Day. All of those are behind me.

I wish it was like a switch. When tomorrow is over I would magically feel better. But I know that won't happen.

Mother's Day

I can't say it was the best Mother's Day, but, it was a good one. I'm missing my mom a lot this month, but I also have a lot to be thankful for. Last year we had a really good day. My parents, Jim's parents, we enjoyed a nice dinner and good laughs. It would be the last time I'd see my mom alive. I'm so thankful for that day, and I know she was, too.

Today I got to see my grandma, Lou Lou. She lost her daughter last year, a loss I can't fathom even though it was my mom. But she was with her son and three of her five grand kids today. I hope she had a good day.

Today I was with my mom's cousin, a woman that lost her best friend last year. We have developed a friendship that I am so thankful for. Someone that I can share things with, laugh with, and drink wine with. I hope she had a good day.

And we had BBQ today. With hushpuppies involved, it HAS to be a good day!

Happy Mother's Day, mom. I miss you.

Bikers need Jesus, too.

U +GOD= :)

My Capricorn

It was April 2010 and something made me look twice at the email from the handsome man with the kind blue eyes. His dating profile indicated a few criteria that didn't quite match with my "ideal" mate, but hey, I was 32 and divorced. Not really a time to be choosy. And, he was a Capricorn. So I let slide a few of my must-haves and decided to email him back. Since I'm a Virgo, I already knew what the horoscope websites said about good astrological matches for me. Other Virgos, Tauruses, and Capricorns, with Capricorns topping the list. So what if he was the same height as me and a Yankee. I'll just put away my heels and feed the man some fried chicken and collards, because he's a Capricorn!

Well, you know the rest of the story. What you may not know is that my mom was also a Capricorn. She and Jim got along famously. They were like two peas in a pod, sometimes annoying little peas, but always with the best of intentions. God knew what he was doing when He put Jim in my life. He knew what would happen a short two years after meeting each other. And thankfully He made me reply to the blue-eyed Capricorn. While Jim could never take the place of my mom, he has filled many voids that were left when she passed. He supports me beyond measure. He knows how to cheer me up. And he would do anything for me.

Happy Birthday, baby. I'm so happy you're my husband.

Post Script: As it turns out, he doesn't mind when I wear heels and he drinks more sweet tea than should be legal south of the Mason-Dixon.

A few of her favorite things

I posted a few weeks ago about going through my mom's gmail account and deleting emails. I did it again today and logged into her Pinterest account to change the email preferences. By logging in as her, it brought me to her profile page where she had written a short description of things she likes.

"I am a lover of beautiful things-outdoors and flowers with garden art bring a smile to my face. I teach piano lessons to anyone that enjoys music. Antiques, silver, and old linens make me smile."

And that made me smile.

It's almost over

It's my mom's birthday. We always went shopping after Christmas and last year we went on her birthday. We found my wedding dress that day. It was a good day. We spent it together.

My family and I received a lot of cards this Christmas. Lots of "I'm thinking about you" and "I know this Christmas will be hard". Well all I've been thinking about is her. And yeah, it was hard.

Luckily this year of "firsts" is almost over.