This is not going to be a happy blog. There, you've been warned.
I'm dreading tomorrow. For every birthday wish that comes my way, I'll only be thinking of the one I won't hear.
I appreciate the cards I've received, the presents from friends, lunches, laughter, and wine (I might have more bottles than Total Wine now). My husband threw me a surprise party this year. About two months ago I asked him not to. I did not want to celebrate my birthday. Despite my request, he did anyway. And we had a great time. Secretly, I'm glad he did it. It's exactly what my mom would've wanted...for me to be happy, with a husband that takes care of me.
Five years ago my mom and I disagreed about something. It caused a rift in our relationship for a few months. Despite us not being in the best place with each other, she still came to my work with a card, cake, and present to make my 30th birthday special. It's what she did. She always made the effort. A few months later my life changed pretty dramatically, we got over what came between us, and we became best friends.
Tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I probably should not wear mascara.
Oh, and birthday bonus...I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Ugh.
Shannon, I have known your mom since 2003. I think about her every day, because she became my friend, after she was my boys' teacher. Oh, how I miss her...I can't even tell you, even though I know you know, in your own way. Shannon, make something of the day...lift her up in a way that you haven't thought of before...go out and be quiet...take a walk...be still...you will know what to do on her birthday...just listen. God will know you are listening, and he will still the background noise.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I guess I read your blog wrong...it
ReplyDeletes your birthday tomorrow. Well, let me be the first of Cree's piano teacher friends to wish you a Happy Birthday, with all gusto and good wishes! Shannon, let the good wishes of your friends and family wash over you and comfort you. Just relax and let that happen. You will feel better. And for me, my boys and my husband, and for your HAPPY and proud mama, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MANY MORE! Mynn Paige
While I know it will be difficult to be happy and to really feel joyful, I do hope that you have a good day on your birthday and every day there after. I understand your pain. I know we all grieve differently and in our own time, but I do believe your joy will come back. Much love
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your kind words. They do help.
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