Friday, August 31, 2012


Somehow, one-quarter of a year has passed. A lot has changed. So much that I want to talk to her about - laugh with her. We could make each other laugh so hard that we really should've been wearing Depends on more than one occassion.

Like this one time, we were painting my brother's ceiling a light blue. I was standing on the bed and she was standing on a chair. The house phone rings. High on paint fumes, I bent down to answer the phone that was sitting on the bed. Hello? Hello? Phone keeps ringing. Mom starts laughing. I look at her like, why are you laughing, and why is the phone still ringing when clearly I have answered the dang phone! Well, she had unplugged that phone from the wall jack without me knowing. We couldn't stop laughing. And I peed in my panties a little.

Three months gone. Already.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


This is not going to be a happy blog. There, you've been warned.

I'm dreading tomorrow. For every birthday wish that comes my way, I'll only be thinking of the one I won't hear.

I appreciate the cards I've received, the presents from friends, lunches, laughter, and wine (I might have more bottles than Total Wine now).  My husband threw me a surprise party this year. About two months ago I asked him not to. I did not want to celebrate my birthday. Despite my request, he did anyway. And we had a great time. Secretly, I'm glad he did it. It's exactly what my mom would've wanted...for me to be happy, with a husband that takes care of me.

Five years ago my mom and I disagreed about something. It caused a rift in our relationship for a few months. Despite us not being in the best place with each other, she still came to my work with a card, cake, and present to make my 30th birthday special. It's what she did. She always made the effort. A few months later my life changed pretty dramatically, we got over what came between us, and we became best friends.

Tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I probably should not wear mascara.

Oh, and birthday bonus...I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Ugh.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I needed a moment

I had the idea for this post immediately after our wedding, to attempt to document the overwhelming feelings I had during the ceremony. I never did start it, for one reason and another, but after this weekend, I decided to write.
I needed a moment during our ceremony. Everything was so overwhelming, the words of the preacher, our surroundings on the beach, the many friends and family that attended, and the man standing before me. Both of us had been through so much to get to this point, and finally finding each other, when the preacher asked me to repeat our vows after him, I had to take a moment. I knew I couldn't go on without completely losing it. So I paused - for a good while.
Fast forward five months. This weekend we went to the historic Fair Barn in Pinehurst for the wedding of some good friends of ours. Two people who, like us, have been through a lot and have finally found the love of their life. It's also the first wedding I've been to since my own. There were so many emotions in the room and in my head. She walked down the aisle to Rascal Flatts' song, "Bless the Broken Road", and I lost it. Jim kept asking if I was ok, and I wasn't. I wanted to run to the side before the tears got the best of me but couldn't as I imagined the clip clop of my heels on the historic wood floors would break the peacefulness of the ceremony. So I sat.
With lots of tissues I made it through the candlelit ceremony. The heartfelt vows that each of them wrote, their precious son in the tiniest tux you've ever seen, passing and blessing of the rings, and the special necklaces given to each of their daughters. Everything was perfect, and I'm so happy they've found happiness with each other.
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