Friday, June 15, 2012

This time last year...

The man I love proposed. I called my mom first to tell her the news. She already knew. We drove to my parents' house to tell them the whole story, take pictures, and show the ring. We were so happy and excited.

When we got back to our house there was champagne and balloons on the front porch. She dropped them by while we were still at dinner. She was always so thoughtful. 

Tonight I miss her.

This has been a tough week. 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I wonder...

Is there registration in heaven? How long is the wait?
Are family and friends that have died before waiting for you when you get there?
Do you immediately get your angel wings or is there a trial period?
Can you eavesdrop on people on Earth?
Is dog heaven and people heaven the same?
Is there chardonnay in heaven?
Can you eat whatever you want with no consequences?
Are you outfitted with what you died in or do you get an unlimited closet to choose from?
Can you watch TV and movies?
Is there an alternate form of communication rather than phones or email?
Is there some better vacation spot than the beach?
Do people get assigned a "job", except it's your favorite thing to do ever?
Is there money in heaven?
Do you need an alarm clock in heaven?
Can you review your life, like on DVD?
Do you get to choose your friends?

Mom knows the answer to all these things. I will, too, one day.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Too happy?

God is punishing me for being too happy. I've told everyone about my good fortune, the wedding, how great my life is, what a wonderful husband I have. I have bragged too much, and now He's taken it all away.

Deep down I know it's not true. Things happen for a reason. God has a plan. When will I know the reason?

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

This time last week...

This time last week I had my mom. Now, I don't. I am having a hard time dealing with the shock of her death. I know that it's natural for children to see their parents die, but so young? I am sad for all the things she won't get to witness. Jim and me having kids, my brother settling down and being happy, my dad's retirement, my grandma continuing to enjoy her life in Raleigh, her friends' living their life. However, I'm happy that if she had to go, she went peacefully and didn't suffer and that she won't have to worry about us anymore. Her stress is gone because she is with the Lord. And that does give me some peace.
My dad has seen things that no husband should have to see. My husband has done things that no son-in-law should have to do. My grandma has seen pain that no mother should have to see. My uncle has shown strength that no brother should have to bear. My brother is too young to not have a mother; too young to be the rock for my dad that I know he is. I am amazed by my family every day and so very grateful.

This time last week I had my mom. This time six years ago, my grandma Barbie was still here. Tomorrow will be six years since Barbie died, and a week since I lost my mom. I take comfort in knowing that they are together now.

Writing about this helps. I think. I hope.
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